5 Reasons the Cracks in Your Friendship are a Good Thing
This post is dedicated to my best friend, Anna, and all of the best friends out there.
You’re more like siblings
Anna moved next door when I was one. I literally do not have a single memory from my life without her. I spent much more time with Anna than my actual sibling, I mean DAYS in a row. Knocking on the side door every summer morning for years to see if she could play.
We treated each other differently than our other friends. I went on her family grocery trips and she considered my mom her own. Half the time we drove each other crazy. I think Anna even bit me once and I probably hit her or some other terrible thing that young sisters do. When 8th grade rolled around, we had lockers right next to one another and carpooled to swimming together every day for nearly five years. There were phases of jealousy, anger and plenty of lessons about what it means to be a good friend. But we always came back to each other. Because you don’t choose your siblings, but you do choose your friends.
THE TAKEAWAY: If your best friend drives you a little mad sometimes, do a sibling test. Do you spend as much time with them as your own family? More time than your actual siblings? You may carry around these relationship traits because you are that close. Might be time to put some thought into what the depths of your relationship really mean.
We already covered the physical encounters our four-year-old selves arose, but unfortunately, we also shared some pretty hurtful words. There were times I made decisions that ultimately hurt the only friend I really cared about. Why exactly? I don’t know. Because I was learning and growing I guess. I can guarantee you the two of us spent a great deal of time venting to our mothers about each other. It never lasted long though, in a split second you could find us making up through the sound of our laughter (that is, after gossiping to my mom).
THE TAKEAWAY: Arguments are not the end of the world. They allow you to get some space from that person. If you can’t get far without craving the pattern of their laugh again, it is likely that time and space will make you realize how much you really do need that friend.
Anna and I are each other's bridesmaids. I know it. Even if we grew apart, even if she moved away. Because as soon as we were old enough to know what a bridesmaid is we promised each other. And we still remind each other. You don’t break a promise.
THE TAKEAWAY: Have you and your friend been counting on a promise for years? Carrying it through, even when life gets crazy, speaks volumes about your friendship.
Unsupportive moral support
How many times have you told her the boy is not good for her and she still doesn’t listen? Or when she tells you the dress isn’t flattering but you don’t listen and regret it in the long run. Talk about catfights. Being someone's friend means having their best interest. Even though you wish your friend could just keep their mouth shut, you know it’s a true friend when their intentions are coming from a place of love.
No matter what happens, you’re there for each other when you really need it
Sophomore year we were the most distant we had ever been in the 16 years we had known each other. The typical growing apart, finding new interests, and meeting new friends. There was a huge place in both of our hearts that always held our “Best Friend Forever” promises, but Anna and I no longer had sleepovers two nights in a row or competed in swimming together.
At the end of sophomore year, Anna made one of the biggest decisions a 16-year-old could make. She was going to move all the way to Cincinnati to pursue her dreams and go to a high school for performing arts. I was the first person she told because we weren’t that close anymore and she knew she could trust me without hurting me. I was bummed, but Anna LOVES performing. I mean she’s basically living the real-life Victorious down there. How could I not support her?
Four months later my Mom died unexpectantly. The one who, I told you, was her second mother. I remember that day so so well. Anna was out with her friends before she came running through the yard pulling me into her arms. I had friends I was closer to at the time, but Anna was the one who was there that day. And she didn’t leave. She let me sleepover, skipped work to help me find a funeral dress, did my hair, and stayed up until 1:00 with me reminiscing on the years worth of memories until I finally found it in me to laugh again.
THE TAKEAWAY: Anna is still the person I send pictures of my outfit to make sure I look alright. We text each other about 2008 Taylor Swift and always get together when she is in town. I love her now and forever. Even if she bit me that one time.
All relationships have flaws, but sometimes that’s what makes them so strong.
All the love,